Thursday, April 23, 2009

THoroughly Useless (THU) Thursday - Really? Is Walking That Hard?

We have evolved to do certain things well, and for long, sustained periods of time with little to no degradation to our capabilities.

The thing that comes most quickly to mind is walking. It's easy, it can wake you up, and while regular walking alone won't get you into shape, it does maintain a nominal measure of cardiac health. Okay, it's not a great way to get from Philly to Tampa, but it is a good way to enjoy a city for a day.

But not now, and not in Boston. Now you can pay $105 NOT to have to walk around Boston and see sights, many of which are free, for what used to cost you maybe at $10 fare card for the "T".

This shouldn't bug me so much...really. I saw one of these "tours" come cruising by me last week as I crossed the road in Charlestown. They looked like they were having fun. And all I could think of was "I guess walking is just too fucking hard."

And then there is what I saw today driving home from the market. A bumper-mounted towing platform for the Segway on a car. So now you can not only drive to a curb, you can now step off onto the sidewalk and not have to move any major muscles to go the rest of the way!

Now maybe there are some people who need access to technology like the Segway to overcome physical limitations. Maybe the guy with the Segway on his car bumper was one of them. However, whenever I pull up images of the damned things, it seems they are simply expensive toys.

Now I'll admit that they do not generate any CO2 like internal combustion engines, and as such can be useful for day to day business travel over long distances through city streets instead of taking cabs.

But...but...

I just can't.

Maybe they're just not badass enough...


There!!! Now go around and wipe out the rest of the Segway geeks...

6 comments:

Mary Ellen said...

Say it ain't so! Not in Boston!!!

Boston is one of my favorite cities in the old USA and if I could put the White Sox there and move the Red Sox to Chicago, I'd move there. The thought of seeing the Freedom Trail inundated with Segway's breaks my heart. I've walked the Freedom Trail twice and loved it both times and the second time I noticed a bunch of stuff that I missed the first time.

Randal Graves said...

Unless you have a legit medical excuse, get the fuck off the Segway and walk. Just because it's newer doesn't mean it's better. There's no better way to absorb the sights and sounds of place than on your feet.

Plus you can save the $105 for some crappy plastic souvenirs for grandma and grandpa back home.

Chef Cthulhu said...

Nunly - if I could put the White Sox there and move the Red Sox to Chicago, I'd move there. You're welcome in Boston anytime. Nossomuch the White Sox. Tell you what...just send us the Bulls for a few days and we'll just send 'em back empty handed...

Randal - That is about the perfect comment for this post. I have no snarky comeback for that. Well done. You have earned my undying ambivalence.

Dr. Momentum said...

Segways are positively dorky. I'll wait until the world of Future Science is ready to deliver my hoverchair. Then I'll float around like Baron Harkonnen.

Beach Bum said...

Down around Disney World a separate company will rent you the electric powered handicapped carts even if you are not handicapped. The story around this was that fully capable and mobile people were getting all the special treatment and allowances deserved by people who are actually handicapped just because they were seen in these carts.
When a fully capable, but rather very heavyset, man was asked why he was riding instead of walking her responded something to the affect that he just didn't like to walk.

Chef Cthulhu said...

Dr M - He who controls the spice, controls the universe! I'll only take the hoverchair if it has a built in toilet like in Idiocracy.

BB - I see a lot of those at the local supermarkets. If you're handicapped I can understand. But if you're too fat to walk, then maybe that's a sign you should be staying AWAY from the supermarket until you can again.