Sunday, April 26, 2009

Okay, I Admit ... I'm A Jumper!

I'm mostly a baseball / football sort of guy; I admit I'll listen to the basketball talk on the local sports radio, and I almost never listen to the hockey news that's going around.

Not that I dislike hockey. I didn't watch a lot of it growing up here in Massachusetts, but in the early 90's when I lived in Long Beach and then in Monterey California, hockey was just starting to catch on, tickets were relatively inexpensive, and I started to take a liking to the game. I became a San Jose Sharks fan in 1993, and a die-hard fan after their against all odds playoff run of 1994 (even though they only made the second round). Even though I was from here, it just didn't cross my mind to become a Bruins fan. It would have seemed somewhat disingenuous of me. So I watched former Soviet Army players Makarov, Larionov and Garpenlov tear up the ice while Irbe overachieved in goal and had a great time going to the Shark Tank for games.

Getting married, moving around a lot more and going back on sea duty did a lot to cool my hockey fandom, and in reality I haven't paid attention to the game since about 1997.

But this year both my original "hockey love", and my local team the Boston Bruins are in the playoffs and, of course, it's hard not to get a face full of the local hysteria over hockey. So my curiosity has sparked again. And yes, I'll admit, I was stoked at the Bruins' sweeping of The Habs. I watched two of the games. And last night on "Versus" I watched Game 5 of the Sharks / Mighty Ducks of Anaheim (I'm sorry - FUCKING STUPID NAME, anyone? Never mind that the team was bought by Disney to milk the popularity of their stupid fucking movie. But it seams ANY team from Anaheim just has a shitty proof, I also give you the "Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim". Cuz Anaheim is close enough to LA to be part of LA, even though it takes more than an hour to get from one shit hole to the other on the freaking freeway and nobody in shitty old Anaheim wants to be part of shitty old LA. Can we just nuke both cities and be done with it?) It was great watching the Sharks pull it off in OT, but to tell the truth, I think the Duckies will end up taking the series. Hope I'm wrong.

I guess hockey may be the only sport where I pull this crap. Football? Nope. If my Patriots aren't there, I don't give a shit. I don't "have" and NFC team. Baseball? Hah...don't even consider. There is but one team; all the others are trying hard. I had a guy who worked for me tell me, "If a team beats my team in the playoffs, I root for that team to go all the way." Aaaaaw, what a nice guy. If a team beats my team even in the regular season, I ask Cthulhu to fly their plane into a mountain on the way home. Preferably a mountain in Antarctica.

Now according to ESPN's Bill Simmons' 2002 Rules for Sports Fans, I am all kinds of wrong here and am going to Hell. Now he's from Boston, and his book Now I Can Die in Peace is a good read (he articulates his rules early on in the book as well), but fuck him on this one.

Besides...Jeremy Roenick was born in Boston.

And if they face each other in the finals well...I'll be happy with whoev-... no, that's just as fucked up as allowing Anaheim to have sports teams. Suppose I need go with Rule 19.

Maybe I'm just some English pig with no brain, you know...maybe I go to box for two minutes, all by myself and, you know...I feel shame.


Dr. Momentum said...

Ha, fly their plane into an mountain? Pull out the stops and ask Cthulhu to drop a mountain on them.

'swhat I do.

Mary Ellen said...

LOL! I forgot all about that movie!

I used to watch Hockey with my dad (Blackhawk's,of course) but I began to get fed up with the constant penalties and game interruptions. If they played like they do in the playoff's or in an Olympic Game, where they actually have to PLAY the game instead of beating each other silly with their sticks, I would watch it all season.

For's all about Baseball, there is no other sport that can compare.

Chef Cthulhu said...

Dr M - your way would look suspicious...we have appearances to maintain.

Nunly - it's one of the best movies of all time. The violence in a hockey game is nowhere near what it was in the 70's and 80's. There's just enough to keep it interesting, though.

Randal Graves said...

I can't wait until these last series are decided so I know who to root for against Boston.

Chef Cthulhu said...

Randal - I dunno...don't think anyone in the second round will take them, either. At least San Jose lost so I can maintain only a single loyalty, like a sane and normal fan.