Thursday, December 18, 2008

Christmas Musical Suckfest

Last week I posted five of the best, now here are five of the rest. I find that pop stars and rock stars screw up many, many more Christmas songs than they get right. Whether they take an old standard and spin it so horribly that if flies apart or they try to capture the spirit of Christmas in an original work and just plain miss it. Either way, I hate them; but I LOVE to hate them.

So here they five worst* Christmas songs:

Deck the Halls - Mannheim Steamroller. No band in the history of mankind has ever sucked the life and soul out of Christmas music as completely and effortlessly as Mannheim Steamroller wit the cheesy synthesizer, the bouncy electronic drums, and the overdone sustain. The only thing wrong with this piece is everything. I really don't know why people buy this crap.

You Make It Feel Like Christmas - Neil Diamond. I guess it's just the overall "Neil Diamond-ness" that kills this song for me. The whole "So wake up the kids...put on some tea...light up the tree...". Light it up LIKE THIS? Cuz' that's what you make me feel like, Neil. In fact, I'm going to watch that one again while listening...

Same Old Lang Syne - Dan Fogelberg. Oh. My. God. Shoot. Me. Now. I've gotta' give Dan props for working the frozen food section into a song, and I guess it's not REALLY a Christmas song, but he does say that the snow was falling Christmas eve. It's And he downs a six pack in a car with his ex and doesn't get any play? Wussy, girly-man.

Early Christmas Morning - Cyndi Lauper. James brought up another lousy Christmas song of hers. I've hated this one for years. Said it before I'll say it again. She has one of the ten most annoying voices in the world.

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - Coldplay. No explanation needed - it's freakin' Coldplay.

Worst Christmas Tunes

And if the widget will only let you play 30 sec of each song (it's been known to happen) you can link here for the entire awful package.

*excluding that Gawdawful "Christmas Shoes" song! That is truly the "Al Qaeda" of Christmas songs and I refuse to link to or provide any other means to play that musical turd on my site.


goooooood girl said...
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Julie said...

I don't hate Mannheim Steamroller if I can hear it in very small doses, but their rendition of Deck the Halls is uniquely, bizarrely, even brilliantly horrible. You could punish kids with it, I think.

Randal Graves said...

I think you can get a double-pack of Manheim Steamroller and Thomas Kinkade at the local Wal-Mart.

Old Tennessee said...

For years, I've tried to classify Mannheim Steamroller. You nailed it with "sucked the life and soul out of Christmas music." Super post. As to the Fogelberg tune, I've never heard a song that evokes so much passion, either pro- or con-, every holiday season. I love its musical puns and the joke on which it was based; I tell people who don't like it: "Use your radio controls and stay out of elevators and grocery stores in December."

Wish you could write our local stations' Christmastime radioplay. I'd listen more!

Bull said...

Julie - my kids like it. My oldest son particularly revels in the fact that I hate it.

Randal - If that's true, then the stars must be right and I need to hop on a tramp steamer to the south Pacific.

Old Tennessee - welcome, and thanks for the complement. I never knew "Same Old Lang Syne" was based upon a joke. I'll have to find out more about that. And truth be told, of all the sings I put up, I actually turn that one up and sing along when it comes on.