THoroughly Useless (THU) Thursday - Really? Is Walking That Hard?

We have evolved to do certain things well, and for long, sustained periods of time with little to no degradation to our capabilities.

The thing that comes most quickly to mind is walking. It's easy, it can wake you up, and while regular walking alone won't get you into shape, it does maintain a nominal measure of cardiac health. Okay, it's not a great way to get from Philly to Tampa, but it is a good way to enjoy a city for a day.

But not now, and not in Boston. Now you can pay $105 NOT to have to walk around Boston and see sights, many of which are free, for what used to cost you maybe at $10 fare card for the "T".

This shouldn't bug me so much...really. I saw one of these "tours" come cruising by me last week as I crossed the road in Charlestown. They looked like they were having fun. And all I could think of was "I guess walking is just too fucking hard."

And then there is what I saw today driving home from the market. A bumper-mounted towing platform for the Segway on a car. So now you can not only drive to a curb, you can now step off onto the sidewalk and not have to move any major muscles to go the rest of the way!

Now maybe there are some people who need access to technology like the Segway to overcome physical limitations. Maybe the guy with the Segway on his car bumper was one of them. However, whenever I pull up images of the damned things, it seems they are simply expensive toys.

Now I'll admit that they do not generate any CO2 like internal combustion engines, and as such can be useful for day to day business travel over long distances through city streets instead of taking cabs.

But...but...

I just can't.

Maybe they're just not badass enough...


There!!! Now go around and wipe out the rest of the Segway geeks...

THoroughly Useless (THU) Thursday - Two Things

First THoroughly Useless thing:

These two people.

Ugh. I understand they are facing charges. If you ask me, it's the wrong way to go. I think Domino's should estimate the business lost and litigate to get their wages - if they ever work again - garnished at 25% until the money is made up...which will pretty much be the rest of their lives. Apologies for the sound. It was the only one I could find that wasn't from a newscast, but apparently the poster thought it would be artsy to add the reverb.

Second THoroughly Useless thing:

My brain right now. My clunky, cement-filled, dry brain filled with painfully linear thought processes. Absolutely 0.0 on the creativity scale, so I have to resort to low hanging fruit like this shit.

Man, when you hit a dry spell, you hit a dry spell.

THoroughly Useless (THU) Thursday - Stone Temple Pilots Lyrics

They always seemed, to me, like they were trying to hard to be "deep" and ended up being lousy.

When the dogs do find her
Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow
To find it, to find it, to find it
When the dogs do find her
Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow
To find it, to find it, to find it

or...

Feelin' uninspired
Think I'll start a fire
Everybody run
Bobby's got a gun
Think you're kinda neat
Then she tells me I'm a creep
Friends don't mean a thing
Guess I'll leave it up to me

...and other meaningless (or seemingly so) drivel.

Whatever.

I'll let Mike Judge do the talking:

Beavis : Is this Pearl Jam?
Butt-head: This guy makes faces like Eddie Vedder.
Beavis: No, Eddie Vedder makes faces like this guy.
Butt-head: I heard these guys, like, came first and Pearl Jam ripped them off.
Beavis: No, Pearl Jam came first.
Butt-head: Well, they both suck.

Well, I'm not that down on Pearl Jam...

THoroughly Useless (THU) Thursday - A Day Late and a Buck Short

There's been a lot of thoroughly useless shit surrounding Madonna lately.

First, there is her thoroughly useless bid to adopt a Malawian child to be a sister to the one she has already adopted. Thoroughly useless not only because it failed, but because of the thoroughly useless American adoption system that drives frustrated people to adopt children from overseas.

Okay, I'm going to take a break here and clarify a little bit. First of all, while I do not care for Madonna anymore - she has completely jumped the shark in my book - I give her credit for her charity efforts in Malawi. I applaud any private charity effort overseas, especially in this economy when the government needs to focus its money and energy here at home. Also, I am not against overseas adoption per se - it saves a child from poverty and (assuming the parenting is good) gives them a very good chance at a good life. However, it does nothing to relieve the burden on our own system or provide relief to hundreds of thousands of kids equally deserving of a shot.

Which brings me back to the celebs. They piss me off. King Brad and Queen Angelina and Madonna, while benefitting individuals, are doing harm to masses of people. If adopting underprivileged children is truly important, are they actively using their celebrity to push for adoption reform RIGHT HERE? Now I've researched this...meaning I've Googled the question like, three times...and can find no evidence of our most glamorous pushing to help kids right here. So, unless I can find some other evidence, I can blame these particular celebrities for not recognizing a real domestic problem and taking action.

I can also blame them for making shitty movies. And proposing thoroughly useless remakes.

In the name of the Blind Idiot God Azathoth and all his pipers this is a bad idea. Maybe the worst idea ever. In fact, I'm downright angry about it. Hasn't she fucked enough movies up already? Is nothing sacred?

THoroughly Useless (THU) Thursday

I tried formalizing the words in the chorus of this song, and this is what I came up with:

Because Diminuitive William, William refuses to return to his domicile
However, you will not force him against his will, William refuses to return
Attempt to inform all who have a vested interest, however, you will not succeed
Diminuitive William, William refuses to return to his domicile

When I repeated them to my wife she recommended I post it here, under this title.